Time to Kiss a Frog
When You’re Desperate, It’s Time to Get Picky
True Cads
The Relationships Pillars - The Status
The Relationships Pillars - Wealth
The Relationships Pillars - Looks
All Rejections Are Not Created Equal

Silly this: “But I’ve never heard anyone say, “Boy, I should’ve settled more. I really should’ve lowered my standards.”

Yeah. In science, this is known as 'self selection bias'. Freud knew this from his mostly wealthy & middle class patients. Somehow, many types of people become socially 'invisible', and never quite walk in the door of your average therapist. Not everyone has good insurance, and most insurance does not often cover 'relationship issues/problems'. And many of those folks? Might not still be with us due to their disastrous 'bad choices' in men/women. They might be in jail, homeless, no longer 'in country', or so burdened with illness, poverty & dependent children that they cannot afford health care for themselves. Or still worse. Let alone having the luxury of seeing a therapist to ask politely 'what went wrong' with my partner choices? By then even the dimmest among them might have an inkling about 'what went wrong'. (But not much before, tragically!)

Now you often don't get, 'Gee I should have settled more…' But just as often, you DO get, 'Gee, I wish I had given 'ol Charlie another chance, he seems to be doing just fine now. Or Yeah, Billy really DID want to get married like he said, and he married that Cindy right after he begged me to go to Vegas with him… He too seems to be doing well all these years later.'

I'll tell you that there's probably not a single person over the age of 35 w/o 2 or more of these 'what might have been's that they think about often, some more serious than others. But always, it's the path not taken, for one reason or another. (This was a cause célèbre in the Atlantic awhile back with Lori Gottlieb's much commented upon 'Marry Him!' article. Soon to be a major Motion Picture too? )


Again: This is somewhat valuable to realize. “It comes down to fear: the fear of being lonely, the fear of running out of time, and the fear of missing out on an opportunity. And then it’s no longer about who I’m dating, but it becomes about what I stand to lose.”

“He asks his patients to describe the right person for them, someone who is a terrific fit. Why qualities do they have? What do they look like? Once people describe their ideal partner, they express fear of being rejected by that amazing person. You feel thrilled and excited, but what if they don’t feel the same way?”