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But post-hookup something about me just felt done, over the whole thing. I’ve had much worse hookups with much lamer guys. I spend so much time thinking about hookup culture, talking about it, researching, etc., yet it took me three years to truly realize its shortcomings were not something that could be overcome if done the right way.

I always knew it was flawed and brewed a great deal of insecurity and crippling self doubt, but felt it was the only option. Even though I’ve had serious boyfriends in college I always viewed hookup culture as the main highway, one that must be taken and hopefully leads to some kind of fulfillment. It doesn’t. Any brief satisfaction is quickly replaced by a great deal of emotional fallout. Who hasn’t seen the sexiest, smartest of her friends white knuckling her cell phone, pleading with assorted deities that the overly coiffed, Ed Hardy-clad econ major sends her the obligatory text? It doesn’t matter that 3 days ago, she thought he was a tool, didn’t kiss very well, etc., the reassurance is what we’re after. The assurance that we are enough: smart, cool, different enough to attract someone, even if its not who we want. Despite our real feelings about these guys, whether we respect them or are repulsed by them, we beg, hope and need for them to like us.

4Escarondito September 20, 2011 at 3:24 pm

5Escarondito September 20, 2011 at 3:25 pm
And yes it’s good to hear her say that

6YOHAMI September 20, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Any brief satisfaction is quickly replaced by a great deal of emotional fallout.

Thing is, she and her friends are value takers. They are seeking for reassuring themselves, filling their self esteem, looking for validation through association with what they perceive as high value men and doing role playing, while ignoring their real feelings and needs, and the jar gets depleted shortly after because its broken. In other words, they are sick.

Good for her if she decides to listen to herself and do what matters. However, having a LTR and finding a committed guy isnt going to fix her either. So I hope she looks deeper.
YOHAMI´s last [type] ..You can’t go into war / hunt / monster killing / hard competition with tears in your eyes. Well, you can, and get defeated.

7Wudang September 20, 2011 at 3:52 pm