How to Let a Man Know You’re Interested
Tough Call: Sex Before Commitment?
In Combat Dating, You Can’t Afford to Fight Like a Girl
Friends With Penalties
The Matrix of Modern Relationships
Old fwb or new shy boy?
The Real Reason Why Men and Women Can’t Be Friends
Is she into me?

To be somewhat simplistic the first hurdle is looks (and each man will differ a bit) so do what you can to improve there. But, the meme that men ONLY care about looks for a relationship is definitely false. I can understand that you might be assuming in this post that the couple in question have been out a couple of times and that the man finds her physically attractive enough. If he does find her physically attractive enough then this list is where his focus will now be (and I’m not saying what that ‘enough’ is for each men and some men do need to be realistic too about how cute a woman they can get). The other caveat is that if the woman is on the borderline of cute enough then upping her cuteness will definitely help, some examples could be losing a few pounds, getting the right haircut, clothes, makeup, smiling more, etc.

Once the sufficiently attractive hurdle is passed then the man will start to care about the woman’s personality. However, since men know almost instantaneously if they find the woman to be attractive or not her personality and this list will come into play very quickly. If she seems too cold or bitchy, a qualified-in-her-eyes man may just not approach, especially somewhat shyer types, but the players will.

Once the looks and personality hurdles are crossed then I would say her achievements are the last thing. Women hate that this is true but it is. They’ve applied the logic that since they find a man who can achieve is attractive to them that it should be to men. Of course, most men don’t want an idiot, a total slacker or a bum but neither do most men need the woman to be so high achieving either. As long as she has a decent career and is doing something positive with her life that is enough. An exception might be to some extent with UMC professionals who want 2 high incomes but even there looks and a great personality and an average job like being a school teacher will trump average looks, average personality and great job 99.9% of the time.

7Adam August 9, 2012 at 4:34 pm
“will only be effective with a worthy man of good character. Don’t expect to flip a player with these moves.”

But what’s wrong with seduction, a la Casanova? The way I view it is positive, as creating excitement and pleasure. And shouldn’t you, too, if you’re sex-positive and love-positive? Oh, that’s right…. it needs to occur in the context of something called a “relationship”, without a question. God forbid we actually think outside the politically correct box here :P

8Susan Walsh August 9, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Is this your indirect way of telling girls that they should learn how to cook?

I’m happy to say it directly. Every young person should learn to cook. I find cooking with my husband a lot of fun, and we did that a bunch when we were dating. But a woman who cannot cook is missing out on one of the most nurturing things you can do for people you love.

It is disappointing that “lose the belly” is not only NOT the first thing on the (sub) list, but is not mentioned at all.