I’m In a “Whatever” With a Guy I Really Like
How to Get a Boyfriend in College
Hoping For Those Three Little Words
Does My Boyfriend Love My Sister?
Learning to Swim in the Deep End
Is Casual Sex Destroying Empathy?
Learning to Speak Hookup: Guys’ Edition
Defense Against the Dark Arts: Narcissism

The part I found so utterly sad about the Jaclyn Friedman piece was that she said she was using sex to fill an emotional hole in herself – except it sounded like she thought that was a positive thing (I did just skim the thing, so I might have missed something). Well, that’s clearly unhealthy and tells me at least how utterly lost she is. Not because she used sex. But because she was using sex to fill a hole. You can take out sex and fill it with anything: food, alcohol, shopping…it’s still unhealthy. And it still fails to fill that hole. That’s because sex is NOT the answer. If it were, that hole would be filled. I think she mentioned there was some early trauma in her life. What she needs to do is start there and start being honest.

I think the reason Marcotte (and others like her) get so upset about that is the same reason some religious fanatics get so upset at any disagreement about their worldview – that somewhere, deep down, they know something about it is bunk. If you’re truly secure in your beliefs, it won’t matter to you what others think or say. But instead, they seek conformity for a sense of validation.

About LTRs and your number, I think the key issue at root is if you feel you’ve made good choices for you (or if you haven’t, you’ve at least learned from them). The key point is whether you’re comfortable with yourself. I think, most probably, the number is just a symptom, a signpost, that people use to determine the risk of a relationship (one among many factors). If everything else in the relationship is solid and there’s true love, a high number is not something you can’t get past, after some truthful and open conversation (including your reasons and lessons learned, if any). In any case, if you’re going to start a LTR/marriage with a lie about this, it doesn’t bode well for your ability to get through major problems later with honesty. Part of the point in marriage is that you know the truth about each other, and even faced with the truth, you’re willing and ready to commit.

Ellen says:
August 12, 2010 at 1:07 pm
@Aldonza, Average Joe didn’t say it was a myth, just that “waiting to long” as a cause for it was a myth.

Average Joe says:
August 12, 2010 at 2:00 pm
@ Ellen
Thank you.
@ Aldonza
please go to what Ellen said.

VJ says: