I’m In a “Whatever” With a Guy I Really Like
How to Get a Boyfriend in College
Hoping For Those Three Little Words
Does My Boyfriend Love My Sister?
Learning to Swim in the Deep End
Is Casual Sex Destroying Empathy?
Learning to Speak Hookup: Guys’ Edition
Defense Against the Dark Arts: Narcissism
Susan Walsh says:
August 12, 2010 at 6:13 pm
I find it weird you remember that waaaaaay back detail of my sex life
First of all, I have a memory like a steel trap. My kids have found this extremely inconvenient. Second, that was the first comment I ever read by you. It was on Obs’ blog, and I was quite struck by how strongly you had felt about that woman’s behavior. I remember Obs accused me of having a problem with you, and I realized that I didn’t. I thought your treatment of her was reasonable. That was a significant step in my understanding of the way that men employ Game.
The “number” has become more important as women have become increasingly willing to available themselves of all the escape hatches and opportunities for infidelity that abound in our society.
This is really the answer to my question, and it makes total sense. Back in the 80s, people did have casual sex, but promiscuity was not as rampant or widespread in the female population.
It’s not entirely self-serving – if you believe that women are profoundly damaged by each and every casual sexual encounter, then total accuracy is important. While I think that a habit of hooking up casually does take its toll on many women, I am not convinced that a ONS here and there makes much of a difference. Obviously, I’m aware that many men feel otherwise, and that’s the whole point. Women need to understand how men perceive the issue, because perception is reality in this case. However, I do think many women are able to assess their own experiences in terms of long-term effect. Yes, a man has every right to decide a woman is not a good bet, but a woman who has some casual sex and doesn’t feel permanently damaged shouldn’t be told that she is.
In my own experience, worth .02 and nothing more, the casual sex I did have was mostly bad and empty, but it didn’t mess with my head. It just wasn’t worth the trouble.
Rum says:
August 12, 2010 at 6:32 pm
My advice to a guy would be to take into account his own proven ability to attract causal sex. Given that hook up partners are chosen more on the basis of raw, unprocessed gina-tingles than anything else. If he has often been chosen and dragged to bed by reasonably hot partners a womans higher number should be of much less concern to him than if he rarely were so blessed. When her number is much higher than his the picture suggests that she is looking for something other than hot sex with the guy and that if she were more open about what she was really after the guy would run.
Like, if the mind reading device came up with,”He looks like he always work hard, so I can quit my boring job when I feel like it. And I bet he will stick around even when I can no longer pretend to want to have sex with him.”
How to Get a Boyfriend in College
Hoping For Those Three Little Words
Does My Boyfriend Love My Sister?
Learning to Swim in the Deep End
Is Casual Sex Destroying Empathy?
Learning to Speak Hookup: Guys’ Edition
Defense Against the Dark Arts: Narcissism
Susan Walsh says:
August 12, 2010 at 6:13 pm
I find it weird you remember that waaaaaay back detail of my sex life
First of all, I have a memory like a steel trap. My kids have found this extremely inconvenient. Second, that was the first comment I ever read by you. It was on Obs’ blog, and I was quite struck by how strongly you had felt about that woman’s behavior. I remember Obs accused me of having a problem with you, and I realized that I didn’t. I thought your treatment of her was reasonable. That was a significant step in my understanding of the way that men employ Game.
The “number” has become more important as women have become increasingly willing to available themselves of all the escape hatches and opportunities for infidelity that abound in our society.
This is really the answer to my question, and it makes total sense. Back in the 80s, people did have casual sex, but promiscuity was not as rampant or widespread in the female population.
It’s not entirely self-serving – if you believe that women are profoundly damaged by each and every casual sexual encounter, then total accuracy is important. While I think that a habit of hooking up casually does take its toll on many women, I am not convinced that a ONS here and there makes much of a difference. Obviously, I’m aware that many men feel otherwise, and that’s the whole point. Women need to understand how men perceive the issue, because perception is reality in this case. However, I do think many women are able to assess their own experiences in terms of long-term effect. Yes, a man has every right to decide a woman is not a good bet, but a woman who has some casual sex and doesn’t feel permanently damaged shouldn’t be told that she is.
In my own experience, worth .02 and nothing more, the casual sex I did have was mostly bad and empty, but it didn’t mess with my head. It just wasn’t worth the trouble.
Rum says:
August 12, 2010 at 6:32 pm
My advice to a guy would be to take into account his own proven ability to attract causal sex. Given that hook up partners are chosen more on the basis of raw, unprocessed gina-tingles than anything else. If he has often been chosen and dragged to bed by reasonably hot partners a womans higher number should be of much less concern to him than if he rarely were so blessed. When her number is much higher than his the picture suggests that she is looking for something other than hot sex with the guy and that if she were more open about what she was really after the guy would run.
Like, if the mind reading device came up with,”He looks like he always work hard, so I can quit my boring job when I feel like it. And I bet he will stick around even when I can no longer pretend to want to have sex with him.”