A Note to the Fresh Meat on Campus
The Backlash Against Hooking Up – Is it Real?
The “Sex as Empowerment” Scam
Manwhores: For Casual Sex Only
How to Make a Happy Husband, or a Husband Happy
What Women Really Love About Bad Boys
Beta Male of the Week
10 Reasons to Date a Beta Male

October 21, 2010 at 1:07 pm
I did think about marriage and kids since I was in high school, although I knew I wasn’t ready. I was working part-time throughout college in the tech field that interested me, and I helped to financially support the boyfriend I had mentioned. I worked full time in the summer, and I was on the Dean’s List academically. As soon as I graduated, because of my prior work experience, I got a salaried position and have been working full-time in the same field since then.

Thinking about marriage and kids didn’t stop my studies or having a career. My problem was that I tried to do everything “adult-like” without consulting the wisdom of others, only relying on myself. It was ultimately a mistake as I rushed into commitment blindly. I was really way too young and naive to be fully adult, and I had no one around to advise me because I was alienated from my (still) awful parents.

Anyway, I wouldn’t advise girls to get married in their early 20s. If I could go back and do it over, I wouldn’t have stayed in a bad relationship just to have a relationship. But hooking up isn’t really the way to go either. I think I should have just waited out those years, focused more on my personal goals, and kept an eye open for possibilities.

I know another woman who got married to the wrong man when she was very young (18). She cooked, cleaned and was very nurturing, but he didn’t treat her well. She left when she was 25 and found a much better man. Now she’s in her early 30s. She’s very happy and has several kids with her husband. Everything worked out for her, but she lucked out and didn’t have kids with her first husband. She and I both should have waited and not gone with the crappy guys we met in our teenage years.

So I fully agree with what J has said; teenage and very young girls should not be targets for older men. Those older men go for young, inexperienced girls who don’t know themselves and don’t know any better. Maybe there’s a chance it’ll work out, but for the girl it’s often the case that she’d be better off waiting until she’s mature enough to make her own choices, and judge whether the man actually loves her or just goes for her because while she’s blind, older and wiser women see right through his crappiness.

david foster says:
October 21, 2010 at 4:11 pm
Hydie Anderson, protagonist of a 1950 novel by Arthur Koestler, mused that:
If cafes were the home of those who had lost their country, bed was the sanctuary of those who had lost their faith