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95Susan Walsh December 31, 2010 at 1:19 pm
Oh pish posh, Jess. Honestly, this is nonsensical. Of course fertility is tied to youth, and drops off well before 38. In fact, I recently read that there is a huge drop at age 27. I’m sure this can easily be researched by studying infertility stats, which have skyrocketed with the average age of marriage. We begin menstruating at 11 – do you really believe we’re very fertile 26 years later? And even if we’re capable of bearing a child at 40, suggesting that we’re just as desirable is preposterious. That’s not to say you can’t find love and great sex at 40 – but you’re going to be up against stiff competition from younger, more nubile, and yes, fertile women. The press is full of these spinster sob stories, as are the self-help bookshelves. Mike C just linked to this article, which is germane to this topic:

96filrabat December 31, 2010 at 5:56 pm
The big elephant in the room of this discussion I see here is this:

The male libido cools down as they age. Maybe not for all me, but a staggeringly high percentage of them considering the typical male reluctance to admit to a decreased libido due to its supposedly “unmanliness”. Even at age 30, men’s libido’s – though still somewhat strong – aren’t nearly as tyrannically high as even five years earlier. And yes, this does vary by individual, yes, but this is an overall general tendency for the male gender as a whole. By 35 and especially by 40, a lot – and I mean a lot – of men start to think “Sex? Ehhh…ok..”

I myself had this happen to me a bit earlier than usual (around 28, 29-ish..hard to pinpoint). Certainly by 30 I started to enter the “Ehh, ok” phase, and has only declined since. In fact, for several years, I wondered if I was turning asexual. I eventually decided I wasn’t turning into one, given that women can still attract my attention just from their physical features and certain personality traits alone. But that doesn’t hold my attention nearly as much as 15 years ago. Result: I find myself less and less motivated to meet women, no matter how young or nubile or curvy or accomplished. Women (at least as far as relationships are concerned) are simply not relevant to my happiness at my age (43) and haven’t been for at least 14 years.

I only bring this up because women seeking husbands can always – according to popular myth – look to older single men. This is simply untrue more often than we think, for reasons described above. Life’s experience with drama, relationship politics, etc. only further reinforces the apathy. I’d imagine this is particularly true for men with lots of bad experiences with women in their younger days. Why would they want to date the very types of women who rejected them in their younger years (i.e. the hot ones, even solidly intelligent and accomplished attractive women). In fact, they’re probably glad their libido is – if not dead, at least on the way out. Oh, they still find such women attractive and may even have sexual fantasies about them – but that’s as far as it’s gonna go. Granted, younger men do make poor choices in women too but this does not change the fact that MANY men’s libidoes decline as early as their 30s. This also does much to reduce the supply of available older men the women of marriagable age want.