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November 24, 2009 11:12 pm
Great collection of comments. Wish I could address all of them.

a man’s right to a certain degree of non-monogamy is one of your favorite talking points.

Discussions around monogamy do come up.

I do think a polygamous model can be healthy for a man, coming from a society and religion that’re fine with it. Cheating’s not something to be comfortable with — however, I expect it to happen in a lax moral climate where rationalisation is easy and passion is on a pedestal — but definitely disagree with it meaning the automatic end of a relationship and the cheated on party not examining their own part in it. As Bob said, it could genuinely mean she’s got no fault in it but she needs to internally check that and honestly. What often happens in cheating scenarios if they do stay together — if either partner does — is that they hold it over the guilty party and behave worse than they did before. This pretty much guarantees the relationship’s death after a cheating event.

What I do find incredibly sickening is that men who are in societies where polygamy is endorsed cheat and whore around anyway. It’s all about sex for minimal cost. You get virginal wives in a traditional Arab society infected with HIV. What kind of upside down world is that?

In fact, I’d be genuinely shocked if you guys don’t argue back and forth about this point all the time.

Anyway: Argue?! Banish the thought! We may discuss heatedly, your Poxyness.

JerrDogg (JerkDogg ?) reminds me of a point re: men who cheat. It seems to me the average man who cheats is actually practically faced with two choices: cheat or leave her. Not wanting to face the latter, especially with kids…

Well, it doesn’t seem so black and white as all that. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t erode at his personhood either.

It is difficult for her. I’m not sure whether she knows because of her own internal superpowers of intuition about him or because he wants her to know, perhaps to encourage her to compete if there’s a vestige of affection left for him.

It’s not a situation people want to be in.

Talleyrand: That was a bit of stream-of-consciousness ranting that may have strayed into hyperbole. I had in mind modern propaganda around this e.g. Sandra Tsing Loh.

JC: Regarding your mother. That sounds full of bitterness and drama. Oh, ouch.